REAL Postpartum: 9 Lesser Known Tips For Life With Baby

This is part of our Real Series where we will be diving into topics to offer helpful insight in all stages of pregnancy and parenthood.  Today, join us for the Real Postpartum: 9 lesser known tips for life with baby. 

In no particular order, we are so excited to share 9 solid tips for feeling like you have your new parent role on lockdown.  This isn't about healing from birth, or feeding tips, or newborn behavior.  This is strictly for postpartum life and 9 things you could choose to use to make it feel less overwhelming.  Ready? 

1.  Make a nest.  

Your bed, your couch, or where ever you spend the majority of your time feeding your baby and resting, rethink that space and surround yourself with things you would generally need to leave your nest to retrieve.  Some folks use the bassinet the baby doesn't sleep in as a sidecar nest, or they pull up a rolling cart.  But the key idea is making as many things available and within arms reach.  

What are some of those things?
Diapers, wipes, extra onesies, burp cloths, nursing tanks, clean underwear and pads, breast pads, hair ties, face cleansing towelettes, cell phone charger, swaddle blankets, baby hat, a tablet for movies, snacks you can eat with one hand, water bottle, note pad, earplugs, etc.  The stuff.  

Healing after birth requires planning for how to allow your brain to rest as much as your body, so help them both and bring your world a little closer. 

2.  Food Help. 

Order it, freeze it, meal train it, or have someone over to cook it, but don't let any offer to help get left dangling when an easy reply is, "Oh my goodness, yes, it would be so helpful if you could take a night and bring over a meal!"  Preparing food takes time, and one of the things you will be learning to juggle is how time travels once a baby arrives.  

Take the help if it's offered, or ask for help if people think you have it all figured out.  

3.  Sit in the chair you plan to use for feedings.

Seems silly when it's typed out like that, but not all chairs are created equal, and not all chairs have hours of feedings in their future.  If you want to get close to the real experience but your baby isn't here yet, grab a full bag of flour, and go plop down.  Sit there for a spell, and see how the small of your back does.  Are the arms too high or too low? Is there room to tuck a pillow on your side for long sessions?  Can your feet touch the ground?  Does it rock or glide smoothly?  How comfy is the seat?  

Many people make a plan for where they will feed their baby, but this next step can be overlooked.  

4. Multiple changing stations. 

You may have an adorable nursery, but what many don't share is that most of the time diapers are getting changed all over the house, because, well...that is just what happens! If the changing station is on the 2nd floor, and you're on the first, it will get annoying quickly.   You can do yourself a favor and make smaller changing stations around the house.  Or at the very least, have changing supplies, if full-on stations are too much.  

5. Uniform

Top CEOs talk about their clothing uniforms, and it is no secret why they do it - taking the time to decide what to wear everyday uses valuable decision-making time, and neurons, that they would rather have working on more complex problems.  We love a solid new parent uniform, and it's for the same reason.  You will have so many choices to make every day, that setting yourself up with multiple pairs of your favorite leggings, t-shirts, or pajamas is one way you can show yourself practical kindness. 

6.  Baby in the Backseat

Once you are given the all clear to drive, taking a drive can be very, very hard.  Some may even say it's an ordeal.  Your baby may love the car or hate it.  But either way, one thing that you can't control is that you are driving, and your baby is behind you, safe, and slightly out of reach.  You are going to hear crying.  You are not going to be able to go to as many places as you hoped.  You are going to cry along with your child at some point.  

One of the best things a friend can do in your early parenting days is either:
1) offer to take you on errands and not be weirded out when you hop in the back seat, or 
2) be the kind of friend who jumps in the back seat and hangs out with your babe while they figure out what car rides are all about.  

7.  Weather

So many strangers will let you know if your baby is not "appropriately" dressed for the weather.  Believe us!  But learning how to dress your baby is one of those skills that parents pick up along the way.  And that's ok!

How to dress your child for cold and hot temps is hard, and either way, there is stuff!  Regardless of what season your baby is born in, there will be a need to brave the weather.  Babies need extra consideration for cold temps, and they need extra protection from hot temps.  

A loose guide for cold weather: whatever you are wearing + 1 layer + hat
A loose guide for warm weather:  whatever you are wearing + sunscreen + cap + sunglasses + shade screens if possible. 

8.  "Revolving blocks of activity." 

In early parenthood and postpartum, your day will no longer have the structure it once had.  There is no more morning, afternoon, and evening.  No, with a baby, your day gets broken up in a revolving schedule of sleep, eat, play. Rest, eat, play. Rest, eat, play.  And for those really young babies, it is mostly sleeping and eat.  

These blocks will shape when you make appointments when you go shopping, and when you meet friends, and you may not even know you are taking them into account.   These blocks have the potential to help you and your child learn a routine that gives predictability and comfort.  

9.  Find your "one thing friend." 

A one thing friend is a person who can come over and help in a real way.  They are someone who isn't afraid to jump in and put dishes away, or fold laundry while chatting, or hold your baby so you can do the seemingly ordinary parts of life with both hands.  They also happen to be the person you feel comfortable to watch your baby so you can do that one thing that is weighing on you.  It could be anything from going to the bathroom to running out of the house for a few hours.  

Find this friend.  This friend is gold.  

One Choice Many Overlook In Pregnancy

If you are pregnant, you are at a crossroads: Life before making millions of decisions for another person, and life after. The choices start as soon as you think you are pregnant. Walking down the pharmacy aisle to buy a pregnancy test confronts you with 3, 4, 5+ options for types of tests you could take!

However, one of the most influential components of your delivery gets overlooked.

Whom will you choose to be your care provider?

When you pause and imagine what your ideal birth looks and feels like, what do you see?

Do you need the reassurance of having a specialized team of neonatologists close? Or do you hope for your surroundings to feel less institutional?

Do you feel secure with your OBGYN and love how your relationship has grown over the years? Or are you curious about a midwife for your delivery?

Asking these questions to strangers on an online forum may get you choices others have made or wished they'd made, but rarely is there a chance to have information presenting without bias.

We want you to know that we are here for you.

Before you find out you are pregnant, once you know, or even once you've started your prenatal care, it is never too late to have a conversation about options and what would be a good fit for you.

If you are curious about labor options, or providers who may be a good fit for your goals, we here at Maine Doulas have a long history of working with medical providers to help our clients. Share your plans with us, and we can walk you through some planning options to help take the fear and hesitation out of one of the choices that will be a part of your birth memory forever!

One of the people in that elusive “Village” everyone talks about includes the professionals who will be responsible for you and your baby's health. Not every decision as a parent will require you to be actively weighing the pros and cons. However, we hope that of all the decisions to make, choosing the person or group who will be supervising your child's birth should be anything but a passive.

For Labor, Tap Into Your Inner Child

Sitting in a chair, watching my kiddo jump over and over and over, AND OVER up and down with an imaginary jump rope, while watching a TV show was astonishing.

She does this. She moves. She can't sit still when she gets home from school. And it is a thing of beauty. She cartwheels to pick up a pencil. Then she realizes it's fun, so she drops it again just so she can do it over.

She skips from the stairs to the kitchen. She gallops up the stairs to her room. She melts on to the floor, and then springs into a cheerleader jump, and then twirls around.

And all this, because she had an impulse to do it, and it felt good.

It just feels good to move.

Kids are really good at figuring out where boundaries are. It's one of the things they are wired to do - push outward and see what pushes back, and what keeps giving way. It's how they learn the rules. It's how their brains work.

And if you have seen anything like the movements I mentioned above in real time, you know what I mean when I say, there is almost zero lag time before having the thought to move, and then moving. A child's body, when free to flow, is thought. Thought in glorious motion.

As we grow, learn more about "appropriate" behavior, and respect for authority, we also gain more self-control or impulse control. This control is one of the things that shows maturity.

But if there is one thing that I wish laboring people would throw out when they go into labor, it's the tightness to which they hold on to their impulses.

Yes, things like controlled breathing are a huge benefit to manage contractions and create rhythm. But what would happen if we opened ourselves up to allow our bodies the freedom to do what it wants to do when laboring?

Early, active, and transitional labor naturally takes a person deeper into their lizard brains as they get closer to birth. For unmedicated labor, accepting the journey to move inward is a great sign you are working with contractions and not against them.

Some common elements of birth that some have trouble expressing are making the guttural noises and fluid movements that a laboring body often wants to convey. Why is that? Because adults overthink.

Why be embarrassed to moan? You are in labor.
Why be ashamed to squat, roll your hips, and arch your back? You are in labor.
Why be embarrassed to take up space, follow an impulse and see where it takes you?

How will you know the boundaries of your birth if you aren't brave enough to test them?

Children are fearless in their movement and exploration, and as adults, I wish we could immulate that spirit more when making the journey into and through birth.

Helping to let go of fear and embarrassment is part of how a doula can assist you in labor.

But if you ever need inspiration on how to own your space, flow in your skin, and find joy in movement, keep your eyes open for the kids that are all around you. They are showing us how to live fearlessly.

Essential Questions To Ask Your Labor Doula

There are many lists on the web giving questions you should go over when hiring a doula. You may be familiar with those. What I find essential, (beyond if a doula tells you her background, number of births attended, and why she became a doula) is finding a person you can be vulnerable in front of during one of the most exposing moments possible.

What to ask your DOULA:

Are you certified?

There are many ways for a woman to become a doula, and some choose to go through certifying organizations. We want to encourage you to find a doula that has used a certifying organization and has, or is in the process of completing her certification.

Being certified ensures your doula has gone through training, done research for your place of birth about resources and current information, and has a support system for herself that will help ensure she has the tools she needs to support you in the best way possible.

If a woman has not gone through a certifying body, there are times when one's own personal experiences, beliefs, and barriers can creep into her work. Being able to look to a certifying body's curriculum and ask questions of a doula's support philosophy may identify any red flags early in your interview.

What is your role at a vaginal birth and cesarean delivery?

Having a clear understanding of how your doula can support you through a planned or unplanned cesarean as well as vaginal births can reveal the extent of her comfort and depth of ability to offer non-judgemental support. We are proud to provide helpful and valuable support to mothers delivering by cesarean and hope your doula will as well.

Many women plan to have a vaginal birth. Many women believe it is only valuable to hire a doula for a vaginal birth. Your doula should be able to support you well regardless of the method of delivery.

What does your support look like when we are not face-to-face? And how does that relate to being "On-Call?

Can you call your doula with questions?

Can you rely on your doula to get back to you in a timely fashion? Does she have a policy for response time?

What happens if you go into labor before your due date?

What would keep you from attending my birth?

As a consumer of services, you need to know the ifs and whens of that service not being completed. Your doula should have terms organized in the contract you agree to, and she should have a reliable back up support. You should not be surprised to find out your doula won't be present because a holiday is close to your labor day.

And here are some questions that are just for you to consider after meeting a doula for the first time (or even after a phone conversation.)

1. Do you like this person?

2. Would you like to talk to this person again?

3. Does this person help you see your goals more clearly?

AND THE KICKER...

4. Would you like this person to be at your birth?