Hey postpartum visitor, here’s what parents wish you knew...

Take it from us there is nothing more exciting than the arrival home of your newborn. Everyone will want to come and greet your little one. While you want to share the joy, trust us, there will be plenty of time for that. Make sure to regulate your new routine before you overbook your social calendar. This is just one of the most important tips we can give you as a new mom. There will certainly be some postpartum visitors that trump this policy. As doulas we have been present for an early infant visit or two and have been the ones calming the nerves of families pre and post said visit. To avoid this anxiety, stop what you are doing Copy and Paste this link in their messenger.

These are our TOP 5 things most every parent wishes their postpartum visitors knew.

Rule #1

Don’t take anything personally – Right now the core family needs to bond, acclimate and discover each other as a unit for the first time. Allowing this time for family attunement will be beneficial for all in the long run. So, if you are asked to keep your distance, or be patient, understand that you are not (and should not be) the priority right now.  Also, no matter how helpful you “know” you are, you’re better off to be asked then to offer your opinion. There will be a time and place for everything now may just not be it and try not to overstay your welcome.

Rule #2

Check in – not just a call or text while you are on the road to the house. But, actually check in to see if your visit is permitted. Even if you are not coming over check in. Call and ask not only about the baby, but about the parents. Parents of newborns often need just as much attending to. Being asked how you are may make someone’s day.  Check in to see if there is anything you can bring. A little snack and some coffee always makes visits so much more tolerable.

Rule #3

Be of Service – the last thing any new parent needs is to host a luncheon for the family every day. When you come to visit, offer some help around the house. Offering to do simple chores like dishes or putting up a load of laundry can be a real help. Recommend that while you are there that a parent take a nap or a bath or find some quiet time for themselves, this is the most wonderful gift you can give them.  Providing peace may guarantee piece of mind which will also guarantee you an invitation to return.

Rule #4

Germs are the NOT welcome – whether you think it is “just” allergies or you are “over” your illness. Germs to infants and parents are never appreciated. Wash your hands when you enter the home, leave your shoes and coats at the door. In fact, if you have children of your own, leaving them home might help too. Schools are usually Petri dishes and school age children tend to carry more germs than most.

Rule#5

Wait to be asked - even if you are absolutely dyeing to hold the baby, don’t ask. Wait to be offered to hold the baby. Asking is not ok. Chances are if the parent feels comfortable with you holding their child they will put them in your arms. If they don’t please revisit Rule #1.

Sleep Debt

Healthy sleep patterns are part of a good health regimen. So often when we are feeling off, we change our diet, increase our activity, and try to reduce our stress levels. All of these behaviors are important, but, when is the last time we clocked our sleep?

Our exhaustion, or mental recall, laziness and bad mood may all be side effects of poor sleep habits in fact we may be living our life at a deficit because of them.

The average adult NEEDS 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. Subtract from that regularly and before you know it you have built up SLEEP DEBT… this debt is to be taken seriously and you need to pay off quickly.

Truth be told…Parents have been known to be able to survive on little sleep. Especially parents of newborns. Newborn parents have been known to on average lose two hours of sleep per night. This goes on until the baby is 5 months old. From 6 months till about 2 years old, parental sleep loss lessens to approximately a 1hour loss.  We are pretty sure those sleep loss numbers spike up to newborn parent levels (if not more) once teen years set in.

Listen, just because walking around with Sleep Debt is common doesn’t mean it’s OK. More rest is best. Facts are facts, and the fact is the average adult needs at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep in order to be running at full faculty.

You cannot pay down Sleep Debt in one lump sum. If you are missing an average of 1 hour per night for 5 days, sleeping an extra 5hours on the 6th day will do you more harm than good. This will completely knock you off your sleep cycle and could have effects long term.

Try adjusting your sleep schedule to increase 30 minutes at a time. Going to bed 15 minutes earlier and waking up 15 minutes later is a completely doable incremental addition to most anyone’s schedule. There are also many benefits to taking a daytime nap   if it’s possible for you to make napping regularly a part of your routine.  Slow and steady wins the race in this battle.  So be patient, take your time, and you will be out of debt and feeling good again.

More Sun less Sleep: Saving your sleep schedule during Daylight Savings Time

Spring forward, Fall back. Pushing our clocks forward for Daylight Savings Time (DST) gifts us more time. It gives us an extra hour in our day. An extra hour of sunshine. Longer days for playtime. More time for making memorable moments, bonding and discovering all of the beautiful firsts for our infant. 

With all of this more, don’t settle for less.

It is important to maintain a healthy sleep schedule for your baby. Just because the sun is brighter, doesn’t mean rest is less important. Don’t make the mistake of cutting down your babies down time. Sleep is super important for progress and development. If you have a newborn you are in luck. Newborns have not developed their circadian rhythm and have no ability to distinguish between day and not. Sorry you are too evolved for this. Invest in blackout curtains for day naps, not just for them, for you too.

Infants may however sense the change in schedule. This can cause some extra irritability. It is important to plan for the clock change in advance. Possibly introduce more naps into the routine. Adjust your eating and bathing schedule to accommodate the time as well.  A thirty minute shift may just do the trick.

As the Daylight Savings ushers in spring and the warm weather take advantage of the fresh air and tire yourselves out simultaneously. Outdoor activities are a wonderful nap time trigger. Neighborhood walks are not only beneficial for the little one, but they help get the pre-baby body back. If brisk neighborhood walks don’t tire you out you can always invest in a jogger stroller.  

Keeping  your babies sleep schedule in tact will most likely maintain your sleep schedule as well.

No matter what you use this extra time for make it count.